Are you struggling with your relationship - or lack of relationships?
Does it seem like you and your partner just can’t agree on anything? Are you frustrated by your current patterns of communication? Have you struggled with managing your needs with the needs of others in your relationships?
Perhaps you are over involved in your partner’s life and lack your own interests, causing problems in your relationship. Or maybe you find yourself putting aside your own needs and interests to instead do what your partner wants, leading to feelings of resentment towards them. Eventually this resentment comes out in passive-aggressive comments or even arguments between the two of you.
You might not be sleeping as well as you used to, because your mind keeps churning over your last argument with your partner. Or maybe you and your partner have stopped having sex, and you feel like you’ve lost the connection you once had. At this point, you just feel exhausted and frustrated by your relationship.
Because there is so much friction between you and your partner right now, you may be taking your partner’s words and actions as personal attacks, and as a result, turn your pain inward by using substances or letting self-criticism rule your mind. Or perhaps you blame your partner entirely for the issues you are currently experiencing in your relationship.
Right now, you probably wish that you could get back to what it was like in the beginning of the relationship. You long for when things felt simple, healthy and fun and you want help rekindling the feelings you had for them in the past.
Though the arguments with your partner may feel overwhelming, you can learn how to navigate all of the issues in your relationship with the help of a skilled couples therapist.
Your Past Experiences Can Make Having Healthy Relationships Seem Impossible
Many people struggle with problems in their relationships. It can be hard for two people to reach healthy compromises that allow both parties’ needs to be met. Additionally, the way we are socialized does not make having healthy communication in our relationships second-nature. A study of 1000 couples showed that 49% of those couples had attended some form of couples counseling with their spouse in the past.
The examples of relationships that we see within our families and the media don’t always teach us how to form and maintain healthy relationships. You may find that you communicate with your partner in similar ways to the way you communicated with your family as a child, and this pattern of communication may not be working for you as an adult. You may have learned to place others’ needs above your own, which can inadvertently lead to feelings of resentment or disappointment. Or maybe you learned to ignore issues in your relationships, as you’ve seen many others do, while holding onto your resentment.
At Be Your Best Self & Thrive Counseling, we will help you get to the roots of your relationship issues so that together, we can rebuild a strong foundation and help you cultivate a more nourishing relationship.
Improve Your Relationship Using Holistic Tools
Without the help of a trained couples therapist, it can be difficult to work through your relationship issues on your own. Those in your life will likely offer a biased perspective on how you should navigate challenges in your relationships and that can make it even harder to know what to do. Having someone look at your situation nonjudgmentally and without bias is what will help you and your partner determine how to best move forward.
Our couples therapists will get to know each partner individually as well as the relationship as a whole so that we can create a treatment plan that best suits the needs of each partner and the relationship itself. From day one of your care, your therapist will help you and your partner feel safe and comfortable to share and grow in the therapeutic space.
We believe in the power of self-awarness in driving positive change in your life and relationship. Rather than focusing on just one argument or one issue, we’ll help you understand how you interact with your partner based on each of your internal belief systems and narratives about how things should be.
Because your issues involve both you and your partner, having both you and your partner together in session is an important part of your recovery. Our therapists use both Gottman and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) techniques to help you and your partner learn the skills you need to diffuse verbal conflict, repair from past harms, and find new ways of re-connecting. We find that this comprehensive approach to relationship counselingcouples therapy can help you to cultivate intimacy in your relationship and teach you how to communicate more openly and effectively.
As part of our work together we may look at how your emotions influence your patterns of attachment in relationships. You may not be consciously aware of how your past experiences in relationships have influenced your current relationship, and couples therapy can help build your awareness of the connection between your emotions, your mind, your body, and your relationships, which will facilitate positive growth and change.
Eastern medicine approaches such as mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, and meditation may be beneficial when learning how to diffuse and manage conflict. These skills allow you to calm your nervous system so that you’re better able to regulate your emotions, making it less likely that you’ll lash out at your partner in anger, anxiety, or distress.
We also use a blend of other modalities, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), to help you identify the unhelpful thoughts you may have related to your partner, yourself, your relationships. When you are able to change dysfunctional patterns of thought, you can look at your relationship from a healthier and more satisfying perspective.
Your relationship is not doomed. Most people have issues in their relationships at some point or another. Working through these issues is possible and attainable! Therapy can teach you the skills you need to communicate effectively and manage your emotions so that you can find peace and happiness with your partner.
You are worthy of having healthy and happy relationships. Allow the Be Your Best Self & Thrive Counseling team to equip you with the tools to cultivate healthy, happy connections that nourish your mind, body, and spirit.
Perhaps you’ve thought about relationship counseling, but you’re not sure you’re ready…
What if my partner isn’t willing to go to marriage and relationship counseling with me?
Going to couples counseling might seem daunting to both you and your partner. Remind your partner gently and firmly of how relationship counseling can improve your relationship, and the reasons why you want to go. You can even share some of the resources listed on this page. If your partner is still unwilling to try couples counseling, we encourage you to engage in individual relationship counseling to learn the skills you need to navigate the challenges you have with your partner.
What if my therapist likes my partner better than me?
Trained, professional relationship therapists will not take sides or pick favorites when working with a couple. Your therapist will help both you and your partner recognize your individual roles in your relationship issues, and will remain unbiased and nonjudgmental when helping you to work through these issues.
If I go to therapy for relationship issues that means my partner and I are too weak to work it out on our own.
It’s much harder to admit that you are struggling in your relationship than it is to keep your issues bottled up inside. Even having a discussion with your partner about the possibility of going to couples counseling shows incredible strength. Your time in intensive relationship counseling will allow you and your partner to learn healthy communication and boundary-setting skills that will help you and your partner grow closer and stronger as a couple.
Let us help you foster peaceful relationships
If you’re tired of having issues with boundaries and communication in your relationships, holistic treatment at Be Your Best Self & Thrive Counseling can help you create the change you need. To find out more about how we can help, contact us to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation today!
**Please note that during COVID-19, we are offering both in-person and online therapy sessions.